From Engineer to Artist
Yesterday marks two years since the last day at the office
I had time to reflect on how much my life has changed in this time. Two years is equally not long or short of a period. Sometimes two years can go by and not much change happens. Same old. This is a phrase I hear very often.
Other times, it could drastically change. My whole identity has changed from a supporting extra (“Engineer number 2” in the credits) to thrusted into being the main character.
What happened before
Once upon a time, I thought how wonderful it would be — to be like all my friends working in fancy offices when I chose to live in Japan after my degree. My self-esteem and self confidence was at an all time low, however I lived a gentle life where I explored Tokyo neighbourhoods a lot of the times alone while my partner was busy working. This time for me was so hard because I had no sense of self and little work experience. I explored making art again as an adult in my free time. This helped me through tough times. I got to meet cool artists through a drawing group called PauseDraw.
At the time, I thought that my life wasn’t as cool as my friends who were soaring in their careers and titles, buying homes etc etc while I worked as a part time engineer who wrote feasibility reports, English speaking baby-sitter and English conversation teacher for a share house company. Now, I look back so fondly at this unique time in my life where I had time to explore my passions and be enriched by Japanese culture and the families and people I got to meet in this time.
One baby later, my mental health was at its lowest. I had to go back home to Sydney or I feared I would not have long to live. With my family’s support, I was ready to try out this career thing. It was pretty exciting to design solar systems for big companies. It felt amazing, like I was levelling up.
I joined my dream company, a start up at the end of 2019. It was actually lovely in a lot of ways, being part a small team. It was tough but it was a fun time. I am someone who pours a lot of myself in everything I do so I was upset when I made mistakes. I worked late into the night many times. I spoke to the director a lot when I was down and exhausted. He was actually wonderful and helped me through my rough moments and supported me in a lot of ways.
The company expanded suddenly and things felt…sterile. That warmth of a small team left abruptly and replaced with hierarchy, KPIs, numbers and So. Many. Meetings. We all sat in different corners of a large city office and couldn’t interact like we used to. I finally made it. I had the title, the city office with a view that I envied my friends for having. I found out that it did not equate to my happiness.
An artist must be a business owner too
Starting from square one again felt both amazing yet, highly uncomfortable. Being an artist almost felt “stupid” after engineering. However I just had to listen to that feeling in my gut to just do this. I joined the Milan Mastery course where I learnt valuable art skills and gave me some structure to my days. I had to overcome new feelings like fear of making art even though I really wanted to do it, self belief that I have something worth sharing with the world, that this was actually the right choice to leave the norm and pave my own way.
Who knew I had to level up so many business skills. 2025 came and my savings shrank and my stress was through the roof as I couldn’t figure out how to make this work. But this was an extraordinary time of growth.
I joined “Become an Artist from Home” by Georgia Draws a House. This gave me some foundation to build off. From there, I decided that I wanted to run workshops, I started making artworks that people bought. I was finally comfortable with my new title as an artist and announced it loudly on Linkedin. I even got a casual job doing workshop facilitation that helped me boost my confidence even more.
However I still did not make enough to pay the bills so I had to get assistance. I was stubborn and did not do this until I was hanging on by a thread. This helped calm my nervous system and I was able to operate from a place of safety and security.
Now, I am one month away from finishing a Cert III in Entrepreneurship and New Business. Things like marketing and business strategy that I always thought was so illusive is becoming something I can finally understand.
If I had to redo my art journey
I would have read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron before I even quit my job. It’s such an important book and puts you in the right mindset to make the process of art making flow more effortlessly.
The rest I wouldn’t change. I loved my journey as it has played out and maybe I could have made myself less stressed by doing my business course 9 months earlier. I love the friends I made along the way, how I gently changed for the better and most importantly made my family number 1.
My New Identity
My artist friend from Japan always applauds how I approach making art without any fear. I love that because it was not an easy path to get here and it has paid off and outwardly noticeable.
I now know that I value human connection and whatever I do has to honour that.
I will also lean into opportunities that come my way and make my own opportunities.
I don’t wake up and dread my day anymore, instead I relish the potential of possibilities. I’ve sacrificed “luxuries” but what I’ve gained is so much more valuable. Peace, time to slow down, self expression, having like minded artist friends and time to tackle my traumas one by one to the point that I feel whole again. My friend asked me if I still love making art.
YES.
I have not been bored once in this time. It challenges me in different ways to the point that I think being an engineer is actually easier than being an artist.
It made me realise that I have come full circle
The gentle life that I lived in Japan was actually my dream that I didn’t know at the time. I had the freedom of time and Tokyo was my playground. Now I’m in a similar position but all the wiser and with added responsibility. However, freer than I could possibly be at this point in my life.
What Next?
I painted a lot last year, which really created a great foundation to build from and gave me confidence in my capabilities. However, I want to make less quantity and more high quality and intentional pieces. I want to open a small number of fish commissions per month and most importantly run many more workshops where I can share my passion for creating art.
Why Workshops?
This is ambitious, however I’ve always imagined my workshops to be a condensed version of all the lessons I’ve learnt along the way. The fear of letting go of control, the inability to express my voice, the belief that everyone still has a little version of themselves inside that longs to play and to be able to connect again without any need for performance. A return to self.
When I work, it has to mean something. If not the work itself, as a team working together to build something. Like when the engineering company was a start-up, there was so much heart and I enjoyed when we did activities together. Those connections mattered to me because I spend 1/3 of my weekday with them. When the company grew too rapidly, the connection was shallow. I had little motivation to go on.
My wish is for everyone to cultivate connection through the practice of making art together and bring back the human in business, teams and friendships.